I’m re-reading Grace for the Good Girl {if you couldn’t tell} and I read these incredible words on page 192.
“You will never be more free than when you let go of your right to be the good one…Which is more important to you – to be right or to be free?…If you continue to put your own insatiable desire to be right and heard and understood as the central hub on the wheel of your life, you will forever be going nowhere and you may never be free.”
Ohmygoodness. These words jumped off the page at me, smacked me in the face, and then burrowed into my brain. But in a good way, not in a brain-eating amoeba way.
Over the past few years God has been doing two things that I believe He does in everyone. Revealing Himself and thereby exposing the lies I believe {about Him and myself}. I’m not gonna lie – at first, it was brutal to stare in the face of your own inadequacy and independence. For so long, I found my identity in attempting to be “the good one”, the perfect friend, the one who had it all together. So when He gently placed a mirror in front of my self-focused eyeballs, it really hurt. It’s not fun to look at your own ugly things in a mirror. And yet that was the best, most loving thing He could do. He loves us too much to let us find identity and fulfillment in anything but Himself.
He continues to do this and it hurts less and less because more and more of my identity is found in Him. Umm, but apparently I’m still holding on to the right to be “right and heard and understood”. Because Emily’s words kind of pierced me.
Why do I feel the need to apologize and explain to death when someone stops by and there are dirty dishes in the sink and toys everywhere? Because I’m holding on to the right to be heard and understood.
Why do I hold on to an argument for days and argue with the other person in my head with stellar Law & Order finesse? Because I’m holding on to the right to be right and heard and understood.
Why do I walk around under a cloud of yuck all day after someone points out {in love} something that I needed to hear about myself? Because I’m holding on to the right to be right.
Which is more important? To be right or to be free? Well, I’d have to say I want to be free most of all. Wouldn’t you? Because here’s the thing – when I let go of my rights to be right, heard, and understood, I am now free to extend His grace and love and peace toward everyone else. I’m not focused on being right, explaining myself, or making excuses. Instead, I am free to participate with Jesus in what He is doing in those moments.
When that friend drops by unannounced, I can engage in meaningful, other-focused conversation because my hearing is attuned to Him, not my own self-chattering.
When I’ve had an argument with someone, I can let it not define my day because my face is turned to Him about it. Plus, I suck at arguing and it takes me a lot longer to come up with fab defenses than most people. :)
To be right or to be free? When you put it like that, it makes for an easy choice, doesn’t it?
P.S. If you are interested in this book, click the Amazon link on the right and it’ll take you right to it!
[...] the author, has to say about her book. I’ve posted about this book one other time, too, so go here if you want to read [...]
Thank you for sharing this. It is a perfect example of being “free” because you aren’t attempting to prove that you have everything together, by admitting God is still at work. (Which He is doing in ALL of us.) I have not heard of this book, but think it will challenge me to grow. If you get a group together, I’d love to be part of it!
It is so freeing, isn’t it? I’m seriously considering doing some kind of online small group and going through this book. I’m thinking a weeknight, after kids’ bedtimes…thanks for your encouragement! I’ll definitely post about the group when I get the logistics all figured out!
Well you know I love reading this. It is a hard right to let go of, the right to be right. We think it’s no good, until we finally do let go. The freedom doesn’t come until after that decision – but then? Oh, the blessed gift of grace! Thank you for reading, for posting, for understanding. (Even though I gave up that right to have you do so ;)
You are so sweet to comment :) And you are so right – the freedom doesn’t come until AFTER we make the decision to let go of those rights, but what a sweet freedom it is! I’m thinking really hard about starting a small group and going through the book with some fellow moms so they can experience this sweet freedom, too.