{Updated: In writing this post, God started encouraging me to think about doing a 31 days series on letting go. Go here to read those.}
I love Jeannett’s blog {Life Rearranged}. She’s been having guest bloggers talk about “what the baby books don’t tell you”. And recently she asked everyone to talk about “what the baby books don’t tell you”. So here’s my two cents.
What the baby books don’t tell you. Lots of things crossed my mind. Like not to freak out if your baby’s poop is green. You don’t have to let them cry it out at 2 weeks old. You are going to be okay if your baby nurses every hour. Or every four hours. And do not, by any means, use a Diaper Champ aka a nasty diaper stink bomb waiting to unleash its stench EVERY TIME you open it.
But really, I think the main thing those baby books didn’t tell me was that this entire motherhood thing really means letting go. Unclenching your hands. Giving up the illusion that I have control.
It all started when our oldest daughter was born with neonatal pneumonia. She was born at 6:00 in the evening, stopped breathing twice and by 2:00 am was being life-flighted to a children’s hospital 2 hours away. Welcome to parenthood.
I, of course, couldn’t go with her as I had just delivered a baby a mere 4 hours ago. Hubby drove to the hospital to meet her there while I watched as they loaded my precious baby girl into this monstrous machine with tubes and wires and 4 people to monitor her. And then wheeled her down the hall toward the waiting helicopter. And I had to let her go.
Now letting go isn’t always this traumatic. But God started whispering something to me while I watched them take my baby girl down the hall.
I’ve got you. I’ve got her. Rest in Me. Relax.
These same perfect words come back to me all the time.
Like when Little Bit came home from the hospital {finally}, and I woke up 86 times a night just to make sure she was still breathing.
And when I couldn’t get her to go back to sleep in the middle of the night even after watching The Happiest Baby on the Block and WHY wasn’t the swaddling and shushing working??
And when she wouldn’t follow the Baby Wise schedule of putting herself to sleep by 3 weeks old. And I cried while she was crying herself to sleep.
And when I felt guilty for rocking her to sleep.
And as she got older, worrying that maybe she wasn’t meeting all her developmental milestones right on time and comparing her to other babies and being sucked into the mom-comparison game.
In all those moments, He speaks those same sweet words to me. I’ve got you. I’ve got her. Rest in Me. Relax.
And now we have a 2 and a half year old and a 4 week old. Now I’m letting go of even more. My house looks like Babies R Us and raisins had a wrestling match in the living room. There are tons of dishes in the sink. I smell like breast milk and toddler snot. The 2 year old likes to pick the time when I’m in the middle of nursing the little one to throw a fit or disobey or throw every.single.grape stem on the floor under her highchair at lunch.
And yet. I’ve got you. I’ve got them. Rest in Me. Relax.
So what the baby books don’t tell you is that it is going to be one long, continuous lesson in letting go. I cannot control each day or how they will react or maintain a perfect image. I have to let go of my expectations, my ideas of what should happen. I have to unclench my hands off that idea of control. Constantly.
These sweet little lives are not mine anyway. They are His. They belonged to Him long before they belonged to me. He knit them and formed them and He will use all my mistakes and my holding-on-too-tightly’s and my failures to build into them and reveal Himself to them.
He’s got me. He’s got them. He’s got you, too. Rest in Him. Relax. Hear His voice remind you of that today.
[...] in the pit of my stomach, He told me to relax. Which He tells me a lot, actually. Especially about motherhood. But then He reminded me that His peace and His joy and His at-ease-ness doesn’t depend on [...]
Hard lovely. Three year old and one year old here. Reading this I remembered all the weight(physical and mental) that came with my first child. I was so amazed that she was mine, so scared I was going to damage her. I didn’t go in to check if she was breathing-I jumped right to she’s probably dead, but if I keep laying here in bed it won’t be real. Of course she would wake up and start crying and I’d be like Whew! She’s alive! I wish someone had said, whatever you’re doing, it’s right. It’s ok. As long as they are growing, it’s ok. The stuff that’s not ok they’re too little to remember. So no worries.
Well said, friend. :)
Beautifully written! Reading “I’ve got you. I’ve got her. Rest in Me. Relax.” took my breath away. My daughter has been dealing with a bully at school and every day I send her to school, I worry about her day. I think I’ve found my new morning mantra. :)
I love those sweet whispers of the Spirit. Though He sometimes yells at me to relax! :) So glad you were encouraged by this!
[...] over here to read my story and go here to see the link-up at Today I Choose. This entry was posted [...]
[...] then. Our sweet Little Bit was born. {I wrote a whole other post on letting go as a parent where I shared some of her crazy story and how it stretched me, changed me, revealed God to me. But [...]
I have a two year old and a four month old. Our house also looks like Babies R Us except 20 times smaller! What a story you have, thanks for sharing it. I’ve learned alot about trusting God because so much of raising my precious little ones is out of my hands. Thanks for the reminder to relax and let go:)
Jessie Lynn
We all need that reminder to relax, don’t we? I think I’ll re-read this post from time to time to remind myself what I know is true!
Best.Post.Ever. I love your heart. I love you.
I love you, too, friend! And isn’t it funny, my hand hovered over the publish button on this post for a long long time before I pushed it.
When my youngest son was born, some of the mothers in our church didn’t trust the woman working the nursery to care for their children. I knew the woman & knew that she would love my child; feed & diaper him as needed. My thinking was that if I was needed, I would be no more than a few steps away, until I came to the realization that if God chose to call my son home, there was absolutely NOTHING I could do to change it even if he was in MY care. At that moment I understood total trust in my Lord & Savior. I didn’t want to be a respecter of persons, so I made the decision to leave him in the nursery & teach him to love this lady. I have never regretted that decision. God is in control….that’s such a comfort. BTW, this was baby #3 & he is grown now with children of his own, so you see the learning continues :) Thank you for your post.
You are so sweet. Thanks for sharing this!
Wow! You are so right. The second you hold that squishy little thing is when you begin the journey of learning to let go. I’m so glad I stopped by.
Thanks so much for stopping by! I read your post, too, and I tried to comment, but it didn’t like me :( But I really liked your list of things you didn’t know – especially the one about picking boogers. Such a glamorous life we lead. :)