Pregnancy hormones. Mama of an almost 2-year-old. Getting ready for another baby. Trying to figure out how to get Little Bit to be prepared for Baby Sister. These are the things conspiring against me the past few days. And for a while, I let myself dwell on them entirely too much. And in the middle of a mental tirade to myself about what a horrible job I was doing parenting Little Bit at the moment, He questioned why I was berating myself. I didn’t start listening to Him immediately about it, but I stopped mentally flailing myself.
Later that night at Bible study, He reminded me through those sweet, grace-filled ladies that maybe those things I was so worried and anxious about were not in my control anyway. Huh. That image of the balloon popped in my head and He whispered those words to me. Let it go.
You see, I started holding on too tightly. Trying to control the future – the imagined future. Wanting to parent perfectly so that my girls would transition perfectly into sisterhood. My knuckles were white with the strain of it. And all I was holding onto was the illusion of control. Am I really in control of life? Of course not. Am I really in control over the future? As if. It is so easy to walk through life, assuming control over things big and small and then we get all upset and throw up our hands in exasperation because something unexpected happens. But it was never ours to begin with.
And so He’s teaching me to rest in the let-it-go. Opening my tight-grip hands so they can receive what He has in that moment. Not what I think should happen. So that means my future becomes His future.
Oh, the peace and freedom in letting Him define the future, one moment at a time. It is a life-breathing freedom. Because He is the breath of life. And He hasn’t given me grace and provision for the next moment because we’re not there yet. Life is meant to be lived in the present moment with open hands, resting in Him.
He keeps whispering that to me today. Let it go. It’s not yours, anyway. Is He whispering that to you, too?