you are more

She looks at me, her eyes filling up while her body wastes away from intentionally not feeding it, and she whispers, “This is me. This is just who I am now.”

I feel my heart crack in half.

No.

The new mama talks loudly, over the crying newborn, whispers, “I can’t do this. I’m not a good mother.”

No. No, no, no.

Beat up from years of betrayal, she holds worry, anxiety, mistrust heavy in her grip. She whispers, “I’m not enough. I will never be enough.”

No, no, no.

You are so much more.

You are more than an eating disorder. You are more than the food you eat. You are more than your crazy thoughts.

You are more than your clothes, more than your weight, more than your perfectly shaded eyeshadow.

You are more than your manipulating behavior, more than the angry words you say, more than your mommy-yells.

You, sitting right there, looking at your computer screen. You are so much more than all these things.

You are more than the nice girl, more than the fat girl, more than the skinny girl. More than the smart one, the crazy one, the nerdy one.

You are more than a good mom, more than a homeschooler, more than a house-cleaner and diaper-changer.

You are more than your company title, more than the car you drive, more than your earthly authority.

You are more than your labels, your job, the compliments thrown your way.

You are more than the way you cope, survive, exist. You are more than the masks you wear.

You are more than what you think you’re identity is.

You are more than the sum of your parts.

You are hidden with Christ in God. {Colossions 3:3}

You are renewed, made new, a new creation. {2 Corinthians 5:17}

You are united with Him, one with Him. {Romans 6:5}

And so now, a choice. You can choose to keep living on the island of independence from God where you’ve dug your flag deep down into the sand of self-sufficiency and work-hard and do-good.

Or you can believe who you really are.

You are joined with the Spirit.

You work from within Him.

You are participating in His present, real, truer than true reality.

Your position as His in unchangeable, unmovable.

You can choose to join in with whatever the Trinity is doing right this minute.

He is inviting you, pursuing you, love-whispering in your ear, telling you to jump in, that the water’s warm where He is.

You are His. You are loved. You are wanted. Now believe it. You are so much more than the sum of your parts.

grace for the good girl :: chapter 14

Well. I think it is quite appropriate that we’re in the “Remember” chapter of this book this week. :)

{Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2}

Oh, how we need to remember “what has already been revealed”, as Emily says. Remember that Jesus loves me. Remember my true reality.

The reality is I am safe.

My mind still lives in fear.

The reality is I am loved.

My mind still races to find ways to ensure my acceptance.

The reality is I have worth.

My mind dwells on thoughts of self-hatred.

So how can I get my mind to line up with my reality? To act differently I must think differently. Until my beliefs change, my mask will stay on tight. My mind needs to be rewired. {p. 162}

The battle really does take place in our mind, our thoughts, doesn’t it? To say no to our old masks, our old ways of doing things, to say yes to true reality, to who God says we already are.

I loved Emily’s sand dollar example. The Truth has been there all along. We just didn’t see it. “Our Spirits have already been made alive, but our minds have not yet caught up.” {p. 164}

And I love that she points out our minds set themselves in default mode unless we tell them otherwise. Shame seems to speak loudly in my default mind, my mind that doesn’t know who she really is. In my default mode, I “bypass the Spirit” and live life totally based on my own perceptions, feelings, senses, thoughts.

And yet, the Spirit is there to point out when we’re not receiving what He has to say. He’s there to lavish love, peace, and to remind us of who we are.

This is not about being your own thought police, working tirelessly to identify fleshly thoughts versus thoughts of the Spirit. He is the author and perfecter of our faith, after all. One of my favorite words of wisdom is from a speaker I heard years ago. He said as soon as he wakes up in the morning, before he even gets out of bed, he places his hand over his heart and says, “Jesus, you’re welcome here”. Or sometimes I walk downstairs into the living room and kitchen and say, “I want to enter into whatever You’re doing today.” However you say it, verbalizing truth at the beginning of your day can help to set your mind in that direction.

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{as always, you can answer as many or as little discussion questions as you’d like}

1. What is the difference between a positive self-image, a negative self-image, and a biblical self-image?

2. If we don’t set our minds on truth, they will automatically be set on untruth. What is your mind’s default screen saver? Fear? Worry? Self-importance? Shame?

3. Are you willing to receive your abilities from him and release your inabilities to him? How can setting your mind encourage you in doing this?

4. Do you ever get the sense that the place where you are hiding is unsafe? What keeps you from coming out? Consider the words of the psalmist: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty” (Ps. 91:1). In your daily life, are you experiencing rest as you walk with Jesus, or do you feel like you are stumbling behind just trying to keep up?

foggy writing

It hasn’t been definable, this reason for not writing. It seems mystical, unreachable, vaguely grey when I try to pin down why I gently shut my laptop closed on the blinking cursor, day after day.

The fog lingers even now. I don’t know why I’ve rested from writing.

And so I’m just going to push through the fog and write anyway.  It’s time. My words might not make sense, they might be cliche, they might be the weirdest thing anyone has ever said, or they might make you close your laptop.

But I’ve learned nothing if I haven’t learned writing is a creative outlet, and renewing, refreshing thing for me. And since Jesus is over and underneath and in between and holding together, then He’s in this, too.

So I’ll trust that. He is the Word, after all.

 

Grace for the Good Girl :: chapter 13

Dear me. It’s been way too forever long since I posted on the blog. To add insult to injury, it has been two weeks since our last Grace for the Good Girl book club discussion. Yeesh. I would promise to do better but then I’d have to eat those words later and that wouldn’t taste very good.

We’re on chapter 13, talking about worship and service and how we are hidden in Christ when we do the dishes or drink our morning coffee or change the 15th diaper of the day. And really, I just have to post these words:

Today, Jesus wears a ponytail and washes the dirty dishes.

Today, Jesus wears scrubs and comforts the family.

Today, Jesus wears a suit and balances the budget.

Today, Jesus wears a smile as he makes the bed.

Today, Jesus. That is when “Christ in you, the hope of glory” becomes a reality and not just a verse. Because where is Jesus’ influence on earth if not through us? How else do we live out the life of Christ if not through our everyday, mundane tasks? “Whatever you do, in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father” {Colossians 3:17} From this perspective, worship and service are not disciplines we practice in order to earn something or to pay him back out of obligation. Rather, worship and service are the natural responses of a girl fulfilled by love, compelled to look beyond herself.

Amen and amen.

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1. Is it difficult for you to imagine your living as worship? Why or why not?

2. Have you ever felt like a Deaf girl dancing when it comes to worship and service?

3. Read Mary’s Magnificat in Luke 1:46-55. How would you describe her posture, her feelings, and her countenance? What types of things was she not thinking about during this outpouring of worship?

Grace for the Good Girl :: chapter 12

Well. This week’s chapter (chapter 12) is up and there is so much to talk about! However, this little post is going to be short and sweet because I have a sick little one who was up all night and this mama is t-i-r-e-d. So very tired.

In fact, I agree completely with Emily. I can’t do it. This mothering thing is eating my lunch today and it is only 9:15 in the morning. And yet. I have a “relevant Jesus, waiting with a smile to be himself in and through me.” {p. 143}

When I am this bone-tired and don’t have energy and have two littles needing anything I can give, I am not enough. But Jesus in me is. He is I AM. “I AM is my present reality and my only hope of freedom. Certainly, He will be with me.” {p. 146}

I’m going to “refuse to get up from His lap” today and know that “the riches of the fruit of His Spirit are made available to us in abundant supply.” {p. 147 & 150}

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1. When I was in high school and college, having a quiet time sometimes left me feeling as if I had accomplished something rather than related with a person. I equate it to working out: I don’t do it very often, but when I do I feel better about myself and slightly superior to those who may not have done the same that day. Have you ever been able to relate to this perspective of a quiet time?

2. Do you feel like a grown-up yet? In what ways has your perspective of time with the Lord changed as you have grown up?

3. God told Moses to tell the Israelites that I AM sent him. Read these synonyms for the word remain: stay put, stay behind, linger, wait, hang ab0ut, continue, endure, and hang on. These are all present, right-now words, much like the way God referred to himself with Moses. Does knowing that I AM is right now make any difference in the way you think about the course of your day?

Grace for the Good Girl :: chapter 11

Annnnnddd….we’re back! I’m so excited about starting this section of the book, y’all! This week we’re chatting about chapter 11 {Receive}.

There is such a truth-waterfall here, we could all drown. ;) But we’ll take it slow and if y’all have questions or need further clarification, or want to know why I can only come up with corny metaphors, just ask.

Emily speaks of The Wizard of Oz and how Dorothy had what she needed all along.

“Knowing what you have makes all the difference. As believers, we have been given everything for life and godliness, but if we don’t know it yet, we will never experience the reality of it.” {p. 129}

We already have what we think we need. Love, love how Emily explains the difference between soul and spirit, and how our spirits are what died in the Garden.

“The only way to bring the spirit to life is to admit it is dead and receive the One who is Life. When my spirit meets God’s Holy Spirit, life is made available. Now I have a choice. I can either receive truth from my circumstances by responding to what my soul tells me, or I can believe that God’s Spirit is now united with my spirit and receive truth from him.” {p. 133}

Oh, and those words about the “letting power”. We have to let the Truth be true in our lives. It is already there and it is already reality. Nothing will change that. As Emily says, “the truth is true whether I let it be or not.”

And so we choose to believe the truth. All the time. Between what out soul has been taught all its life and what we know in our spirit (joined in His Spirit) to be true. We can live from our masks or from who we really are.

“There is no other hope but the truth of Christ in you.” {p. 135}

Not to say that there is passivity, laziness, sitting on the couch eating Cheetos. {Although, that last one is a mom-necessity sometimes.} There is work, there is “a becoming” as Emily writes, as we walk with Him, but it is not about striving toward, working for, “achieving”…”rather it is in the act of receiving.” {p. 136}

It is work to receive His truth when our emotions are screaming at us that something else is true. It is work to receive His truth when our minds can’t possibly wrap around what He is saying. But we don’t have to conjure up, manufacture, produce the truth.

This is a huge statement. It took me a couple of years for that difference to trickle down from my head into my soul.

First, we must let go of our coping mechanisms, our masks, or default way of trying to control life on our own. And then we “receive the gift, and then live as if it were true.” {p. 138}

It is true. Now, go walk in it. Now, believe it.

And we have our entire lives to do this. God is never let down, disappointed, impatient with us. He is the author and perfecter of our faith. So let Him lead you into all truth.

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1. Ephesians 1 describes the many blessings that belong to us in Christ. Which of these blessings have you been striving after? How do you feel knowing they already belong to you? Well. Where to even begin? I sought after wisdom, after works, after trying to love other people. I still strive after them in between moments of remembering who I am and in Whom I live. SO MUCH FREEDOM in knowing they are already mine, that I don’t have to do a thing.

2. What has kept you from receiving your blessings and identity in Christ? What keeps you behind your masks? Not knowing who I really am. Believing the lie that what I do determines who I am. Not staying in the present reality that I am suspended in Grace.

3. What is the difference between obedience to the law and obedience to the truth? Literally, it is the difference between death and Life. Obedience to the law is living under death. The law is obliterated and the Truth has taken its place. Obedience to the Truth means I am listening to the Spirit, moment by moment, and He provides whatever I need to do what I need to do.

4. Is there a certain truth that is particularly difficult for you to obey, receive, or to let be true in your life? I’m a feeler, so it can be very difficult for me to get past whatever feeling I’m having. I’m learning how to let His Truth be greater than what my emotions try to tell me is the truth.

5. In what ways does knowing the difference between your soul and your spirit change the way you think? It changes everything!! Knowing my spirit is complete, hidden with Christ in God, is so freeing! And somehow, it makes it easier to relax, knowing that my soul gets it all wrong sometimes, but that’s not the end of the story.

6. Read Philippians 4:6-7. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (emphasis added). Our hearts and minds are encompassed in our souls, not our spirits. As we let peace rule, it guards our souls. Can you you think of a time when you experienced God’s peace guarding your soul? Honestly, I think God’s peace guards our souls all the time, it is just every so often that our emotions match up with that truth. And also, it’s early in the morning and I can’t think of a good example. Which is why I look forward to reading y’all’s :)

Grace for the Good Girl :: intro to Part 2

Welcome back, lovely ladies! It’s the second day of spring, if you didn’t know ;) We are starting a new season in this book, too. We’re entering into the second half, the Part 2, the so-now-I-know-my-masks-and-how-they-stink-now-what phase. It’s gonna be good, y’all.

{Remember, you can click on the “Grace for the Good Girl book study” category under the “Categories” tab on the right and it will show you all the posts/discussions if you need to review or re-read.}

This introduction to Part 2 is called “The Finding”. We will cover chapter 11 {the first chapter in Part 2} next week. But be forewarned – it is so good but pretty hefty. So put the kids to bed early one night {you can claim any number of made-up charges} and read a bit extra! Not that I ever put my kids to bed early so I can do other things. Nope. Not me.

And if you’re gonna read a bit extra, you might as well read this little intro a couple of times, too. I just love how Emily writes and the Truth she speaks of.

“You have caught a glimpse of the God Who Sees. You know there is more to him than you once thought. And you know there is more to you. You want to come out, to let yourself be found by Love, to release your tight hold on familiar.” {p. 123}

She speaks of good girls who have to experience two rescues – the first at salvation when we were hidden with Christ in God, and the second one from ourselves and our own self-effort. Because “the good girl doesn’t know about this hiding with Christ. She does not understand the depth and breadth and height and width of this Lover who came for her, and so this rescue seems inadequate. She lives on the forgiveness side of the cross and then begins to work to earn the life.” {p. 124}

Umm, sound familiar? How many, many times do I work to earn the Life I already have!?

Oh, and then some of my favorite words. My sweet, wise friend, Chris, says this all the time…”You’re not this way. This may be how you cope, but this is not who you are.” {p. 125}

Get excited to discover who you really are as we move into Part 2 and Chapter 11 next week!

paint the day with thankfulness

Yesterday we went to church. Our church is about 25 minutes away and it starts at 3:00 in the afternoon. Because we’re rebels like that.

The pastor spoke from Psalm 92 {v. 1-4} about giving thanks.

It is good to give thanks to the Lord
And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High;
 To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning
And Your faithfulness by night,
With the ten-stringed lute and with the harp,
With resounding music upon the lyre.
For You, O Lord, have made me glad bywhat You have done,
I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands.

I heard him say that thanksgiving in Hebrew really means to confess. And confess means “to say the same thing as”. So giving thanks really means to say with God what He thinks about any given situation. Sweet freedom.

Y’all. All these years, I labored and worked and beat myself up because I wasn’t “being thankful” enough. Why can’t I just be thankful? Look at all these things I have. What is wrong with me?

Absolutely, yes, we need to recognize and appreciate the infinite blessings of physical and material things present in our lives. But that’s not what thanksgiving is. Boo-yah. Game-changer. I spent so much of my time looking at my circumstances through pitiful, weak, human eyes and finding not much of anything to be thankful for. I was limited in my thankfulness by what I could see and hear and taste with my senses. Oh, but God.

If thanksgiving is really saying with God what He thinks about things, I’m excited about giving thanks! My thanksgiving changes from what I can see to what I can’t see but know in my spirit.

Thanksgiving is recognizing not only what God has revealed about Himself but also what He thinks about me. And when I give thanks, I bring all of that into the present moment. God, in His unlimited, Immanuel, with-us self, is present with me and I can view my situations and circumstances through that God-with-me lens instead of my own broken glasses.

And instead of being vague in my “thank-you-for” prayers, true thanksgiving forces me into real reality, where God abides in me and I in Him and all my circumstances are just places to find Him already holding my hand.

Thank you that you are here, right now, placing in me words of wisdom for this 3-year-old temper tantrum.

Thank you for being my level-headedness instead of letting me stew in indecisiveness.

You are my love for this person, and I will thank you as I splash into your vast pool of it, knowing as I do that it will wash over me and them, too.

So okay, God, I will paint the day with thankfulness. I will paint with you the colors you and I decide on. I will dip my brush in your infinite-ness and love that knows no bounds. I will smear paint on the paper of this day, knowing you make everything beautiful.

link love

{source: 4men1lady.com via refeathered on Pinterest}

 

Some great reads. Because you need something to do, right?

To Parents of Small Children: Let me be the one who says it out loud by Steve Wiens {MUST read this. So good.}

When I don’t feel God by Amber Hains at The RunaMuck {read it slow and savor it}

The Great Kitchen Remodel by my sister at Living the Hyde Life

Dr. Nancy’s Remedies launch! These are some good friends of mine. And this is every homeopathic remedy you could ever want, including all-natural diaper cream!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Energy Bites by Robyn at The Farmer’s Nest {can’t wait to try these. as in, it is 7:30 in the morning and I’m about to get out my Kitchen Aid}

 

 

 

Grace for the Good Girl :: chapter 10

Hello again! I hope you all have had a great week! We are back on the topic of Grace for the Good Girl yet again with a discussion on chapter 10.

This is a turning-point chapter in the book. I love how Emily breaks down what happened in the garden of Eden and how how our spirits died because we chose to accept the lie. And then what that means for us on a daily basis.

“The only thing Satan could promise was something they already had. Because Satan had nothing new to give them that wasn’t already theirs. The only power he had was the power of the lie. If he could trick them into forgetting that they were made in God’s image, then he could get them to do crazy things, which is exactly what happened.” {p. 113}

And then she goes on to talk about guilt versus shame. So, so important to know the difference between the two. I like to re-read the section “The Hiding Place of Shame” {p. 116-118} from time to time to remind myself of that truth. And then I like to contrast that with “The Hiding Place of Grace” {p. 118-120}.

I love how Emily explains what happened at the Cross – that we died with Jesus; and then when He rose again, we rose with him. “We have been placed into safety…there is a new way to live. God says you already measure up in Christ. Al your needs are met in Christ…You are righteous because of Christ. Now you are free to live like it’s true.” {p. 120} Rocks your world a bit, doesn’t it!?

And then. One of my favorite reminders of all:

“God’s desire is that we live in freedom and drink from the wide, deep, powerful River of Life. The masks we hide behind keep us from experiencing the fullness of life the way we were meant to live it.” {p. 121}

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1. Can you think of any more “do-to-be” statements you have lived in your own life? Do any of these contradict what Scripture says has already been done? Ohmygoodness. I have to never yell to be a good mom. I must always be level-headed to be a mature adult. If I am always calm, I will be at peace. If I never lose my cool with my husband, I will be a good wife. And they all contradict Scripture. ;)

2. We have talked about the two trees in the Garden of Eden – the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Have you ever considered the fact that the forbidden tree was not just offering the knowledge of evil, but the knowledge of good as well? Why would God want to protect us from the knowledge of good? Because good is the enemy when it is our own twisted version of good.

3. Read Galatians 5:17 again. “For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.” If our mask represents our flesh, then is it possible to ever please God by living from behind it? Nope. Masks are never okay. God doesn’t love you any less when you wear them, but He desires the abundant life for us and abundant living is not found behind a mask.

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